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meesherbeans · 6 months ago

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Baxter MC Week: Day 6 (Reconciliation)

Note for this entry: it's long! Two entire chapters from an unreleased fanfic I'm slowly working on. I'll label them as "Part 1" and "Part 2."

--------------------- Part 1 ---------------------

“After you,” Baxter murmured politely, holding open the door to his apartment for Yukino. She gave him a soft, almost nervous smile and nodded as she went inside.

The apartment felt familiar and yet intimidating as they stepped through the front door. Even if things were… somewhat okay between them now, the understanding that they still had a difficult conversation ahead continued to weigh on their minds. That was their purpose for being there, after all: to continue talking about their past and actually confront it after five long years.

Yukino silently made her way to the couch and sat down, adjusting her dress to be more comfortable and setting her phone on the coffee table. Her deep blue eyes wandered the living room as she really inspected the décor he had chosen. It was… mostly sleek and probably purchased as a set, given that it matched so well, but it was clearly chosen solely to appeal to a broad range of people. Baxter’s apartment suffered from the same sense of appearance over personality, it seemed.

Not even two seconds after Baxter settled on the couch next to her, he sprung back up to his feet, thoroughly embarrassed. His nerves had gotten the better of him, and he was being such a terrible host. “I’m sorry, would you like something to drink?” he asked as he ran a hand through his hair, hoping she wouldn’t be annoyed by this obvious breach of basic etiquette.

“Oh. I… hadn’t even thought of that,” Yukino muttered and then cleared her throat. In case this got bad, she could use the water to keep tears at bay, so that probably wasn’t a bad idea. “Yeah, thanks.”

He quickly shot her a polite smile and retreated to the kitchen to retrieve two glasses. Hopes and fears swirled through his mind at breakneck speed, distracting him with what-ifs and worst-case scenarios alike, and he didn’t even think to ask what she wanted to drink. Baxter moved on autopilot and filled the glasses with water, then ferried them over to set them on the coffee table with a delicate clink. “There you are; apologies.”

She pursed her lips and waited for a moment before she realized that Baxter was wound up tight enough that he didn’t remember to use coasters for the glasses in his own house. She reached to grab two black-and-white checkerboard patterned coasters from an end table and carefully set them under each of the drinks. “Don’t worry about it. Thanks.”

Baxter had to will himself not to let his eye twitch show when she did one of the most basic things and put coasters under the glasses. Really? He forgot that? The best he could do was silently nod and sit down, not entirely sure how he could salvage this situation. It was probably wise for him to let her lead the conversation; he’d talked enough last night while the cake was baking, and it was her turn to address the awkwardness that still lingered between them.

Yukino’s mind fluttered from topic to topic, and she had no idea where to begin. At the beginning? If so, which beginning: when he ghosted her or the beginning of when they reunited earlier this week? What would make more sense? She lifted a hand and gently bit down on her thumb, lost.

“I spoke plenty before and didn’t really leave room for you to say much. If you have anything you would like to start with, I’m here, and I’m listening.” His voice was surprisingly steady, which was a comfort to him. At least his composure was holding up so far. Not knowing what she was going to say was utterly terrifying – this woman held the keys to his happiness in her hands, whether she knew it or not, and he could do nothing but wait for her verdict.

She nodded and took a deep breath; she could do this. She had to. This was it, the chance she’d dreamed of what must have been hundreds of times at this point. After five years of wondering, thinking, and imagining what she would say, everything felt more difficult in the moment. “Okay. I… well, I guess it’s probably easier to start at the beginning.”

Baxter took a sip of water, set the cup back down, and silently nodded. He turned to face her more directly and hoped that the churning in his stomach wasn’t visible on his face. It was time.

Her eyes wandered around the room as she started with halting, careful words. It would have been too much to look at him directly, given just how vulnerable she felt at this exact moment. These were things she hadn’t even told Cove.

“I… I’ll be honest. When you first left, I didn’t leave my room for two days. Everyone was worried, but Liz told them to leave me alone and that I had to have time to think by myself. I’m still not sure if she was right because I spent most of that time just… trying to figure out what happened. Why? What did I do? I went over everything, over and over, especially the last few days, our trip to that lodge. What did I do? What… what was wrong with me? We had… really connected. It was like I’d seen sides of you that you hadn’t shown to anyone else before, but then you cut me off without any feeling at all. What happened to make you do that? It didn’t make sense. Something had to be wrong with me for you to be that cold so suddenly.”

His hand started to hurt, and Baxter looked down, realizing that he had been clenching it in a fist, nails digging into his palm. This was torture to hear. How could she ever think that she was the problem? She was the brightest, most beautiful light he’d ever been privileged enough to stand near, if only for a brief time, and to hear that she blamed herself for his decision was a unique brand of agony.

Just as he parted his lips to try and convey that to her, she let out a broken chuckle and kept talking. He quickly clamped his mouth shut. This was her time. No matter how painful it was for him to hear, he owed it to her to finally actually listen. It was the bare minimum.

“But then I…” Yukino’s voice cracked, and she paused to clear her throat. “I started to get mad. Was everything you showed me a lie? Did I get tricked by an asshole of a tourist who just wanted to have fun by ruining a local’s summer? I… I hated you for a little bit. I didn’t even want to, but I couldn’t help it. How could you do that to me? You made me care about you, and then you just threw me away like garbage. I never wanted to see you again if that was the truth. It made the most sense, so it had to be the case, right?”

She sighed and lifted a hand to rest her fingertips on the bridge of her nose as she began to fight back tears. They wouldn’t be stifled, however; salty streaks slid down her face and the words continued to spill out. She was probably rambling at this point, but it was like she was 19 years old again, holed up in her room in the dark and nursing her newly broken heart. At least this time, he was in front of her and she could tell him exactly how it felt.

As she began to cry, Baxter couldn’t help but watch with wide eyes. Panic coursed through his veins, mingling with the pain and the regret – all he wanted to do was to make her stop crying. The idea that she was angry at him was exactly the story he had conjured for himself in order to assuage his broken heart: surely, she never wanted to see him again, so it was best that he kept his distance. The truth was so much more damning than what he had imagined, and her dejected tone completely shattered his heart. He was such a colossal idiot.

“After I yelled and ranted, got it all out, I felt so empty.” Her hand lowered to clutch at the halter top of her dress, fingers digging into the fabric above her heart. “It was like there was this hole here. No matter what I said or did, it never went away. On my first night in Tokyo, I finally accepted that it was just going to always be a part of me. That you were always going to stay with me, in your own twisted way: that missing piece. I…”

For the first time since Yukino began to ramble, her eyes darted in his direction, sapphire blue meeting honey brown with a reddened, tear-struck gaze. It was too much after a moment, and she slid them shut. This last part was too embarrassing, still too raw, for her to even fathom being able to say that when maintaining eye contact. Her stomach was already twisting in on itself, reacting as she unleashed the turmoil she had bottled up for years. “I wanted you to come back. Even after everything, that’s… all I wanted. A text, a call. Something. Anything. To be able to talk. Even if you hated me, then at least I would know. I just wanted to hear your voice again. I missed you. I missed you the whole time. I still miss you. I–”

A hiccup interrupted her whispered confession, and she finally broke down, unable to keep her composure any longer. Sobbing like this was embarrassing, but she couldn’t help herself. Five years of yearning and anguish, of never knowing what the truth was, of feeling that keen loss—it all poured out of her.

Baxter stared in horror, feeling shame wash over him like the ocean waves he was so desperately afraid of. He threaded his fingers through his hair and yanked briefly, furious with himself for doing this to the one person he’d ever cared for. “I’m sorry, Yukino,” he started, knowing that the words wouldn’t be enough on their own. But they had to be said. She deserved to hear it as many times as she wanted. “I remember everything about that night; it’s… been seared into my memory the whole time. Every evening I was alone, it would play through my mind. I was a coward: I repeatedly told myself that you’d never want anything to do with me again and that troubling you further would only make things worse.”

His laugh was hollow, self-hatred on full display in the deep sound resonating in his chest. “I was just lying to protect myself. You deserved a conversation, and I made that choice for you. I’m so sorry.”

Yukino sniffed and tried to get her breathing back under control when he paused. That was all she had ever wanted to hear: he was genuinely apologizing, but it somehow managed to make her heart ache even more. Could they have actually stayed connected these past five years? It all felt so… senseless. She felt her eyes well up again as fresh tears sprang anew.

He had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was that he needed to impress this last thing upon her; it was the most important thing that he had to say. Baxter’s hands released themselves from their iron grip and lifted to brush the tears away from her cheeks with shaky fingers. The knowledge that he had caused these tears threatened to send him into another spiral, but he knew that telling her this was more important than his feelings. He was finally putting her first.

“I need to tell you something. It’s important. Please… look at me,” he whispered, overcome with a sudden, crippling fear that she wouldn’t open her eyes. That it was too late and that she would be done with him after recalling how badly he had treated her when he left.

That was a tone of voice she had only ever heard from Baxter one other time. The memory flashed to her mind instantly: the two of them were cuddled in front of a fire, quietly talking about friends and life and connections, and he timidly mumbled that he didn’t want to go. Trusting the vulnerability in that sound more than anything else in the world, her eyelids lifted, and she stared at him through the tears that still lingered. His expression was… tortured, but Yukino was immediately comforted by the light in his eyes. She knew that he was being completely honest with her.

When their eyes met again, he could feel his stomach drop to the floor. She deserved so much better than what he had done to her… she was so amazing; how could she ever think that his faults were her own doing? Baxter took an unsteady breath and cupped her cheeks, wishing with all his heart that she would believe him. “It was never you. It was never you. You were, you are, perfect – everything you ever did only made me want to get closer to you. You… are the only person who’s ever made me feel seen. Wanted. You’re incredible, and walking away was the biggest mistake I ever made.”

At a complete loss for words, Yukino stared at him in shock. It was clear from the beginning that he wanted to reconcile, but she hadn’t ever dreamed that he would go so far as to say he didn’t just regret what he did but that he considered it the biggest mistake of his life. A tear slowly slipped down her cheek; the breath was knocked out of her lungs as she got lost in his intense gaze.

There was a softness in her eyes as yet another tear escaped; he absentmindedly brushed it away with the pad of his thumb. It seemed like what he said really connected with her, and he couldn’t help but feel relief surge in his chest because her silence was accepting rather than damning. He slowly closed his eyes and leaned down to rest his forehead against hers, wanting to inscribe this moment in his mind – she now knew that his biggest regret was leaving her.

Yukino watched as his face relaxed. It wasn’t peaceful, but she could tell that he had been wanting to say that for years. Her eyes fluttered shut when his forehead pressed against hers, instinctively breathing in his scent. She paid attention to his cologne for the first time; while it was somewhat reminiscent of what he wore five years ago, it was more refined. Not as strong. The floral notes were more delicate, and there was a spicy edge to it that felt mature. And yet, it still brought her right back to all the times they had gotten close like this in the past.

Before either of them could faintly smile, their lips gently met. It was soft, unconsciously initiated; after all the revelations and emotions over the last day, they needed that simple connection. The yearning and regret of the previous five years were finally washed away at that moment, both of them spellbound by the chaste kiss. Perhaps everything was going to actually be all right in the end.

Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt!

Just as Yukino had lifted her hand to cup Baxter’s cheek in return, the harsh sound of her phone vibrating on the coffee table shattered the moment. The pair broke off the kiss with a surprised gasp. Reality came crashing back, and they stared at each other with wide eyes. That was not what either had expected.

“I… uh.” Yukino fought to snap out of it. “Sorry about… that,” she murmured. She pulled her hand from his face, reached to grab the phone and unlocked it, then stared at the message with a swiftly growing annoyance. Did Cove really just interrupt that, uh, conversation? And for a ridiculous text demanding to know if she was okay?? She huffed and replied with three simple words.

Fuck off, Cove.

She put the phone back on the table, face down, and glanced back up at Baxter, sheepish and unsure of what to do or say after she kissed him. What a mess.

He watched her angrily read and respond to the message, forcing himself to rein it in. They still needed to talk more. He hadn’t broached the subject of still having feelings for her, fervently believing that he had no right to initiate or ask for something like that, not after what he had done to her last time. And yet he just kissed her? Get it together, Ward. “I… think that it’s getting late,” Baxter said quietly, brushing his bangs out of his eyes before sitting back.

After sharing a moment like that, he quickly recovered and pulled away. Yukino couldn’t help but feel a faint pang of sadness when he put some more distance between them. She tried to modulate her voice as much as she could, not wanting to sound too hurt or accusatory; she was not very successful. “…What makes you say that?” she whispered.

“The fact that it is quite late. But I’m not running away again, I promise. In fact…” Baxter swallowed a lump in his throat and paused, very briefly trying to make sure this wasn’t the worst idea he’d had yet. Was he being clingy? The idea of leaving her alone in an empty house after that conversation and kiss was painful to consider; surely, she would prefer not to be alone, either. “I was thinking that if you’re comfortable with it, you could stay here for the rest of your trip.”

Yukino’s eyes widened with surprise, stunned by the unexpected suggestion. What did that mean? What was he actually offering here? The dumbstruck word slipped from her lips before she even realized it. “What?”

He took a moment to gulp another sip of water, then tried to articulate his thoughts on the matter. It was more than simply not wanting her to leave; he wanted to keep talking. Actually talking, too. She didn’t fully understand the depths of just how deficient he was as a person yet, and he felt like she deserved the truth. “You were going to stay at Jude and Scott’s house, right? They left, so you would be in an empty home. Alternatively… you are more than welcome to stay here. That would afford us plenty of opportunities to speak further if you wanted to do so.”

She slowly blinked, taken aback by the logic he presented. It was surprisingly… sound.

“I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I want to prove I’ve changed rather than only say so. I want to be available – to make it easier for us to continue this discussion in person without worrying about how late it gets and if I should drive you back.” Baxter cleared his throat, hoping that her bewildered expression wasn’t a precursor to her throwing the suggestion back in his face. He was well aware that this could have looked like an uncouth idea, considering the kiss that just happened.

Fear was the first reaction that flashed through Yukino’s mind as she considered the offer. How could she not hesitate after everything that she just shared with him? But the nervous butterflies in her stomach weren’t enough to completely overshadow the hope that welled up in her heart. There was something deep down in her soul that told her this was it. She could trust him this time. He was being genuine. If he only wanted to give her a chance to yell at him in order to assuage his guilt, he could have simply taken her back to the house and wished her a pleasant life, but no, he was saying he wanted her to stay around. That he wanted to keep talking with her.

“Yeah, okay. I would like that.” A soft, tentative smile blossomed on her lips.

The relief overwhelmed Baxter, his lips parting in a daze after she looked at him with that tender expression. She said yes. She was going to be here. She trusted him. He let out one note of a chuckle as he caught his breath. “I’m glad. We… should go collect your belongings, and then we can return to this conversation. Tonight, even, if you so desire.”

Yukino’s smile strengthened when he laughed, and she turned to tend to the glass of water she had almost completely forgotten about. “Okay. Not gonna lie to you, I’ll be really glad to get out of these shoes.”

It took a measure of self-control for Baxter to keep himself from assuring her that the offending pair of shoes made her legs look incredible. It was true, after all, but this was not the time. He nodded and smiled politely. “I will admit, I’m looking forward to getting out of this uniform. It’s quite comfortable during an event, but it loses its charm once I’m no longer on my feet.”

“Well, let’s go, then. We’ve got a date with pajamas, and I don’t want to sleep on that one.” She laughed, hoping that the joke would go over well. The atmosphere needed to be lightened a little bit.

Baxter hid his mouth with the back of his hand as he snorted before dissolving into chuckles. Her sense of humor hadn’t improved at all since they were teens, and that suited him perfectly.

Oh, man. She missed that little snort. Yukino grinned and stood up, making a silent wish on the stars twinkling outside his window. Please let this be the right choice… please let fate bring them back together.

--------------------- Part 2 ---------------------

The late morning sunlight gleamed through the wall of windows, giving the mostly monochrome apartment a warm glow. Yukino smiled and nestled further into the blue chair, pleasantly tired after the ridiculously late night. She was glad she had decided to sleep in. Baxter still hadn’t emerged, of course, but that was actually a boon for her; it gave her some time to really go over everything they’d discussed since the wedding’s end.

It was easy to say they had reconciled as friends, but she couldn’t help but think back on the full extent of their conversations. Not only had they spent a good hour curled up on the couch together, but when he had first apologized after she shared her side of their breakup, she’d accidentally kissed him. At least… she thought it was an accident. As she really sat there and thought about it, she was beginning to believe that it was intentional.

…Was that what she wanted?

Yukino bit her lower lip and quickly glanced toward the short hallway that led to his bedroom. She’d be lying to herself if she absolutely denied it. Unlike the last time she had considered launching into a confession, she wasn’t scared that he would reject her. Quite the opposite: she was a little scared that he would say yes. He had promised her that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he wanted to be in her life as a permanent fixture, and she really believed him. However, the pain of his leaving five years ago was a fresh wound once more, at least this soon after she poured her heart out to him about it.

Could she take the step? Was the risk worth the reward? She lifted her cup and sipped the last of her now-cooled chai. The answer didn’t immediately materialize once she’d finished her cup of tea, and she sighed. It was blatantly obvious to her at this point that she never stopped caring about him. What was she going to do?

---

His hair was a mess; his brown eyes were still squeezed shut as a lazy fist lifted to try and rub what felt like grit out of one of them as he stumbled toward the living room in a haze. He couldn’t believe he had a hard time falling asleep last night, given how long the day had been. It started with a work event on little sleep and ended with him baring his soul to Yukino in front of a fireplace. The questions swirling around in his head wouldn’t stop: was it the right time? Should he tell her that he was still madly in love with her, that he’d never stopped? Or was it too soon? He didn’t want the opportunity to slip away, but he didn’t want to push it too soon, either. He groaned as the hallway ended and the sunlight finally hit his face.

Several minutes of going in circles in her mind ticked by before the sound of a person grunting interrupted her. She turned to look at Baxter as he entered the living room, then immediately had to cover her mouth to hide the amazed smile that spread across her face. While he had been grumpy before the wedding, she clearly had stumbled across him after he became lucid; today, she was not greeted with the same.

Morning Baxter had returned to her in all of his glory.

Yukino cleared her throat and slid to her feet, holding her empty mug in both hands. “I’d say good morning, but you’d just grumble and refuse to repeat the ‘good’ part of that phrase,” she murmured, not quite able to hide the smitten smirk on her lips.If anyone ever asked her why she was so endeared by Baxter’s predisposition to be a complete wreck in the morning, she wouldn’t be able to explain it. And yet, it always charmed her.

His brown eyes finally opened and Baxter focused on her form, still in some disbelief that she was actually here. The image of her standing in the sunlight, still in her pajamas and holding a mug, cut through some of his grogginess; he felt his lips tug up on one side into a fond smirk. He cleared his throat and softly muttered, “I would argue any morning that you’re the first person I see is a good one.”

Yukino blinked and chuckled, not expecting him to be so quick-witted this early. Something about the smirk on his face seemed different than his usual sly smile, and it instantly conjured butterflies in her stomach. Even though she had just spent the last several hours of her life going back and forth as to whether she wanted to admit to Baxter that she wanted him in her life as more than a friend, she now couldn't think straight; she silently stared at him as she tried to will herself not to march over and plant a firm kiss on his stupid, wonderful smirking lips.

The silence between them lingered for a few heavy moments before Baxter regained his senses. Had they been gazing at each other the entire time? “…Coffee, however, is still very much required.” He cleared his throat and made his way into the open kitchen, then searched through the dishwasher for his favorite mug, hoping that the distraction of getting some caffeine into his system would keep him from making a complete fool of himself.

She let him walk away without a word. This… was not good. If she was going to be randomly stopping in the middle of innocuous conversations to give him a longing gaze, Yukino needed to do something about it sooner rather than later. Her eyes slid shut for a moment as she regained her poise. She smiled and opened them again as she twisted on the pad of one of her feet. “I could use some more tea myself, but I need to grab something. Be right back.”

Baxter nodded and tiredly waved a hand at the breakfast bar on his kitchen island. “I’ll gladly get your cup steeping,” he offered before yawning. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she murmured, torn between laughter and a fond smirk. Instead, she set her mug on the granite with a gentle clink before retreating toward the guest bedroom.

Once she was in the room with the door shut, she groaned and lifted a hand to press her palm against her forehead. The weight on her shoulders suddenly lifted, and she could breathe again. Geez, now that they had cleared the air and she had gotten some real rest, it was impossible to ignore just how much she was still completely drawn to Baxter. It was like a gravitational pull or something. Yukino trudged to stand in front of the mirror, well aware that she had to make a decision.

Once Yukino left the common areas of his apartment, Baxter shook his head to try and dispel some of his lingering fatigue. His reluctance to wake up like a normal person shouldn’t infringe upon her right to exist in the same space as him without him making things awkward. He sighed and quickly filled the kettle with water before setting it on the fast-boil burner, then turned his attention to the coffee maker. Despite the deep-rooted yearning that ached in his chest, he still felt incredible. Their chat in front of the fireplace was long overdue, and he couldn’t help but feel eternally grateful that Yukino now understood who he really was… and didn’t push him away. On the contrary, she hugged him close and apologized on behalf of life for everything – it was very her. He softly sighed and filled the machine with fresh water before clicking the Start button.

Yukino grabbed her hairbrush and began to carefully tame her thick waves with practiced strokes. As she watched herself in the mirror, she whispered under her breath to better organize her thoughts. “It’s not even been a whole week since we met again, so this is a really stupid idea. But I don’t think I care at this point. Cove’s gonna kill me if I do this… he’ll get over it. Do I really want this? What if he says no? What if he says yes? It’ll be long-distance; I’m two hours away. Last time, he kept saying that long distance would be a problem. I don’t care about long distances. But does he? …Can I trust him?” Without a clear answer to the last question, she set down the brush and sighed. When it came to Baxter, she had always listened to her instincts; that philosophy had given her some of the most incredibly happy and absolutely heart-wrenching moments of her life. Would she have changed anything about it, though?

Baxter breathed in through his nose, relishing the smell of freshly brewing coffee. His body seemed to recognize from the scent that it was going to get its much-desired caffeine soon and finally started to move more fluidly. He turned and grabbed Yukino’s dirty mug, deciding he would wash it before she used it again. As his hands made quick work of scrubbing and rinsing the mug, he let his mind wander along paths he normally forbade: if he got the courage to tell her how he still felt, cleaning her tea mug in the mornings could be a normal occurrence. There was something immensely thrilling about how domestic that sounded, and he began to smile to himself.

She stood up and nodded at herself in the mirror; yes, it was worth it to take that leap of faith. The worst he could do was say no, right? But if he said yes, then… maybe fate really did give them another chance. It had to be fate: they shared an incredible dance as mysterious strangers, then met five years later for the summer romance of a lifetime, and then met after another five years, yet again. Even if everything ended up going south once more, she knew deep down that she would regret it more if she gave up before even trying. She opened the door and walked back down the hallway, nervous but resolute.

His cup of coffee was already done. While it wasn’t quite instant, Baxter was quite grateful for the pod-based coffee machine he purchased when moving into this apartment. It was close enough to instant that he could quickly wake up when necessary. He smiled and dried the used mug in his hands, then set it next to his box of mixed tea bags. The kettle was almost bubbling away, which boded well. Perhaps they could actually drink their chosen caffeine together.

“Oh, you’ve got one of those,” Yukino breezily said as she shuffled into the kitchen, gesturing to his convenient coffee machine with her chin as she wrapped her arms around her waist. He seemed like the kind of guy who would be a real snob about his coffee. “I’m surprised, honestly.”

Baxter looked over at her, and he couldn’t help but lift a brow. “You’re one of an extremely small number of people who know how difficult mornings can be for me. I’m surprised… that you’re surprised. It’s quite efficient and only takes a minute or so.”

The kettle slowly began to whistle, steam streaming up from its spout, and Yukino walked over to turn the burner off. “Oh, thanks,” she murmured, getting ready to make her tea. As she worked, she continued the conversation. “I have a client who had to cut almost all caffeine out of her diet due to some serious medication complications. One of the things she learned was those kinds of devices actually make coffee with less caffeine in it because the amount of grounds is smaller, and they brew it so fast. I just kinda figured you’d want the most caffeine possible.” She paused to plop the chai bag into her mug and then laughed brightly. “…But it’s probably healthier if you don’t.”

“Wait, really?” He gingerly took his steaming cup of coffee and stared down at it. It was a perfectly serviceable drink if nothing spectacular, but it apparently wasn’t even brewed properly. Dark brown eyes narrowed to give the equally dark brown liquid a skeptical glare. “I think that the convenience still outweighs that fact, but… that’s still good to know.”

Yukino nodded and poured the boiling water over her tea bag, instantly pausing to lean and appreciate the first wafts of cinnamon and ginger as they floated in the air. Black tea was an excellent source of caffeine, and she could drink something that reminded her of Ma’s gingerbread; chai was a no-brainer. She took some courage from the familiar scent and turned with the mug in her hand. “Yeah, that’s true. And if you’re not too picky about your coffee, it tastes pretty decent.”

Baxter blinked, snapping himself out of it; the sight of her enjoying the smell of her tea was utterly adorable, and he didn’t realize he was staring until she looked at him again. He nodded and lifted his free hand in a welcoming gesture as he made his way out of the small kitchen and into the living room. Surely she’d rather chat out here, sitting down. “While I can be quite particular about some things, I don’t believe homebrewed coffee is one of them.”

“And what are you ‘particular’ about these days?” She chuckled and settled on the couch, then sat on one leg in order to rest her shoulder against the back of the sofa. It was better to be facing someone if you were going to speak with them, after all.

He followed her with a faintly self-deprecating smile and sat on the other half of the sofa, cupping his coffee mug in both hands as he turned in her direction. “Mostly my wardrobe, hair dye, and the cleanliness of my car. It wouldn’t do to have an unprofessional appearance in my line of work.”

She laughed quietly and took a sip of tea. “I don’t know; I’m pretty sure that most couples would find you less intimidating if you went back to the black and white hair,” she murmured, not serious in the slightest. Her lips curved into a wicked smirk.

“What – oh.” Baxter snorted and chuckled, shaking his head as he gave her an admonishing look at the tease. “For a brief moment, I thought you actually meant that!” He took a long sip of coffee, noting that it had already cooled down enough to really be able to drink it quickly.

Yukino shrugged and smiled softly as she glanced down at her tea mug; somewhat faded memories of their time together played through her mind. “I mean, in hindsight, it was… a thing. But I never thought it looked bad! Just really, really different.”

He drank deeply before he set his cup on the coffee table, already feeling better with one dose of caffeine. It was probably more the taste helping him wake up, but he’d still take it. “I can’t help but note that you are speaking in the past tense, Yukino. Is there something you would like to confess to me?” He grinned, absolutely thrilled by being able to banter with her once more.

“Hey! No, there’s not,” she insisted loudly. “It was unique, and that was a good thing.” She huffed and set her half-finished cup of tea next to his empty mug, then crossed her arms over her chest.

Baxter lifted his hands in surrender, feeling his face slowly warm as he tried to hold the laughter that threatened to burst forth at her pouty expression. “Apologies! I would never dare to question your taste, which is as exquisite as it always has been.”

She couldn’t help but snickering. How old were they? And why was it so natural, talking with him like this? Her chest felt like it was going to explode when he began to blush, and she had to cover her mouth to hide the stupid grin. “That’s… what I thought,” Yukino mumbled between giggles.

He took a deep breath and exhaled in an attempt to release some of the tension in his stomach, but it didn’t work. However, this was far from the first time he’d had to continue to socialize with her as if everything were normal, and Baxter managed to affect a genuine smile that wasn’t flirtatious. At least, he hoped it wasn’t.

When everything paused, even if not entirely unpleasantly, she felt a twinge in her stomach. Probably nerves. She knew it was time. Yukino bit her lower lip briefly before she glanced away from Baxter and just dove in head-first. There was no way to do this that wouldn’t be awkward in some way. “So, I… wanted to talk to you. Once you actually woke up, you know.”

“Oh?” Unable to stop his knee jerk reaction to a statement that vague, Baxter felt dread flood his body from head to toe. His expression sobered, and he coughed to cover when he cleared his throat. Hopefully, she didn’t notice the immediate tension in his shoulders. “I’m quite awake and available for a discussion if that’s what you want.”

“It is.” She nodded and took a deep breath, knowing that at least this first part had been rehearsed before she fell asleep last night. Even if they ended up not pursuing a romantic relationship, she absolutely did not want to lose him from her life again, and she had a deep-rooted need to say this to him. Her eyes lifted to meet his, and she quietly murmured, “I… need to apologize for what I did last night. I’m sorry.”

Dread was instantly washed away by complete and utter confusion. Throughout their discussion the night prior, there wasn’t a single thing that he could recall that she did or said that would be worthy of an apology. His brow furrowed, and his lips parted, not entirely sure how to say that he had no idea what she was referencing.

When he stared at her like she’d grown another arm, Yukino blinked. Did he not understand what she was talking about? She slowly blinked a second time and tucked her hair behind her ear again before explaining further. “I… I’m talking about the kiss. I’m sorry about that. It… I shouldn’t have just kissed you without asking or anything because that’s a big violation of your boundaries, and…” Her hands began to twist in her lap, not entirely sure what else to say beyond that; it was as far as she had gotten before passing out last night.

She kissed him?? Wait. Baxter’s jaw dropped with surprise, but he regained his senses quickly and snapped it shut; everything made more sense now. She was blaming herself for his moment of weakness. That wouldn’t do, not at all. “I’m sorry, but… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I kissed you while you were still crying, and I should be the one apologizing to you. It was inappropriate.”

Silence fell over the pair as they stared at one another, both grappling with their confusion.

Yukino finally broke it with an inarticulate question; the usually loquacious woman was reduced to sentence fragments. “But I – …and you…” She blinked and stared at Baxter, desperate to see if she could figure out his reaction to this news.

Baxter was speechless in the face of her complete and utter bewilderment. Was it not guilt making her try and take the blame for that lapse in judgment on his part? Was she actually intent on kissing him in that moment as well? That… had implications he hadn’t dared let himself think or dream about because he knew that the disappointment of rejection would be more than he could handle. The brief moment of joy he’d felt when washing her mug surfaced again, and he could feel a lump forming in his throat. If… if she did feel the same way…

She questioned everything about the last twelve hours, mostly her decisions, as she let her attention wander across Baxter’s face. His cheeks were tinted a lovely pink color, and his lips were slightly parted, seemingly in awe; she had to focus on tearing her eyes away from them and back up to his eyes. When their gazes met again, the world suddenly ground to a complete halt. There was the spark of something she hadn’t seen in five years, and it threatened to bring her to tears. He had hope in his eyes. Fearful, desperately fond hope. The last time she saw that was when she insisted that they turn a disappointment into an indoor picnic and movie night, not the slightest bit upset that their planned date had gotten ruined by rain.

Yukino cleared her throat and finally looked away, down to her hands, not entirely sure she’d be able to say much of anything while being held captive by that gaze. “I… guess that makes the next thing I wanted to say… easier.”

He had no words—he was pathetic. Baxter watched as she struggled to speak as well and reached out to set a hand on her forearm. Even if he was entirely wrong and she was about to completely shatter his heart with a final rejection, he wanted her to know that he would be there and stay, no matter what. He meant it when he said he wouldn’t be going anywhere.

When his hand rested on her arm, its warmth snapped her out of the haze of apprehension swirling in her mind. She looked at it, and her gaze trailed up his arm before finally stopping on his face. This was it. All she had to say was that she wanted to be with him. That she’d never got over him. That she was convinced they were meant to be together. That they had to be soulmates. That fate kept giving them second chances to reconnect. Her lips parted, and she could barely even whisper. “I…”

Baxter watched her beautiful face as it stared at him with raw affection, and he had to bite his tongue to try and stave off the tears he could feel that wanted to emerge. How could someone so wonderful ever want to be with him, much less a second time? Particularly when the first time ended so horribly and was entirely his fault. That said, it wasn’t impossible that she felt this strongly about him but was still mature enough to know that he was a bad decision; as much as it would kill him, he wouldn’t be able to blame her. He gently squeezed her arm and awaited his fate. She deserved to be the one to decide this time.

Completely consumed by his expression, Yukino moved without even thinking. One second, she was sitting on the couch next to Baxter, his hand on her arm; the next, she had leaned forward and grasped the back of his neck with one hand and cupped his cheek with the other. A shiver ran down her spine when their lips pressed together, firmly and intentionally this time. Unlike before, which was sweet and unsure, she poured everything she had into this kiss.

To have her pull him forward and meet him halfway, then offer him a fierce and most tempting kiss… Baxter nearly fainted. After the shock wore off, he instinctively pulled her close. This was what he had wanted to do yesterday at the wedding: to gather her in his arms and taste her lips once again. And so he kissed her back, savoring every second. This was the single most important woman in his life, the woman of his dreams, and he desperately wanted to convey those feelings to her, all of the things he never had the courage to say aloud. He was hers. He had never gotten over her. He was hopelessly in love with her. He didn’t deserve her trust, but he wanted the chance to prove himself anyway. Was it possible that he was actually enough?

When her kiss was returned enthusiastically, Yukino’s heart soared in her chest. She sighed happily at the feel of his hands pulling her closer, one on her back and the other curled around her arm. The taste and touch of his lips against hers were even more intensely intoxicating than she had remembered, and she couldn’t help but marvel at how familiar yet entirely different it felt this time. He was a little taller than when they were teens, so her head was tilted up, and they both were clearly more experienced than before, but there was still this feeling of coming home. Belonging. If she had any lingering doubts as to if they were soulmates, this kiss would have completely erased them.

Baxter barely managed to hold back a whimper when she slid her hands over his shoulders and settled into his embrace like it was the most natural thing in the world. All of his hateful, intrusive thoughts quieted under the power of her touch. He had forgotten what it was like to actually feel at peace with someone else; it was as freeing as it was terrifying, and yet he knew he never wanted to let it go. Never wanted to let her go. Not again.

Yukino had absolutely no idea how much time passed them by as they continued to cling to one another’s lips, almost as if each were afraid the other would vanish again. She finally pulled back enough to gasp and lean up to press her forehead against his. Their noses brushed, and she tried so hard not to laugh… but it wasn't easy because she was so stupidly happy. The wide smile on her lips gave her whispered words an excited, fast lilt. “I don’t care what anyone says or thinks; I know this is right.”

He breathed a laugh and nuzzled her cheek with his nose, struck by how much he knew he agreed with her. “I suppose you won’t accept a list of reasons why you should reconsider,” he murmured before he gently scattered a dozen light kisses across her face.

“No.” Her answer was firm, stubborn, and full of laughter. She giggled and turned to press a kiss on the corner of his lips. “You’re not convincing me to go anywhere, Baxter. You’re still the same dorky guy who hates himself almost as much as he hates mornings, and I… still care about you.” She barely caught herself from going too far, dipping her head to nestle her face in the crook of his neck instead.

He wanted to sound affronted when she called him a dork; he truly did, but she wasn’t wrong. His laughter came out as a snort, and he playfully rolled his shoulder to try and dislodge her from her current perch. “First you kiss me, then you insult me? I’m sure I deserve it, but that still stings, darling.”

She let him gently push her back, and she sat up to gaze at him again, practically feeling the joy radiate off of her. “Okay, sorry. But… it’s true. I’m tired of lying to myself: I wanna be with you. More than anything.” Her hand drifted to brush fingertips along his temple, caressing his skin to distract herself as she begged him to say it out loud, too. “What about you?”

The words were out of his mouth before he could even process them; they burst forth in a jumbled, heartfelt mess. “I should’ve said this five years ago. I knew then, but I was too stubborn to admit it to anyone, even myself. I wanted to stay with you. I never stopped wanting to be with you. It’s entirely because of me that we aren’t still together… I don’t deserve this second chance, but if I didn’t – if I walked away from you again, if I had to confront life without your laughter… I think the regret would consume me entirely.” He brushed her hair away from her face with both of his hands, cupping her jaw again like the precious treasure that she was to him. “I’m not one for flings anymore. Are you entirely sure you want this, want me? I will make many mistakes, and this may not be as picture-perfect or easy as you hope.”

“Baxter Alexander Ward.” She stared at him, beside herself with elation and frustration that he was still trying to warn her about a relationship. Yes, it wasn’t going to be perfect because no relationship ever was! But they were worth it. She felt it deep in her soul. “How many times are you going to make me say the same thing? I know all of that, and I still want you.”

Her unwavering insistence softened his sharp anxiety. Baxter paused, took a shaky breath, and smiled at her, filled with endless gratitude and devotion. She was one of the few people who truly knew who he really was, and she fully embraced him as a person despite it. She cared about him. “If you will have me, Yukino, you will have all of me this time. I swear it,” he murmured, both scared and delighted.

Yukino smiled slowly as it sank in that he said yes. They were together again. Everything was… right again. She slid her hands up his arms to rest them on his wrists as he continued to cup her face. There was something intensely intimate at that moment, and no more words were needed.

He pulled her forward this time, placing a soft, reverent kiss on her forehead, then her nose, and finally, her lips. This kiss marked the beginning of a new chapter for them, and he tried his damnedest to channel all of his hope, love, and devotion into it.

#BaxterMCWeek #our life #olba #our life baxter #baxter ward #olba mc #our life mc #yukino o'brien #fanfic #they're together #and making bad decisions #yay #good for them #cove was mad but he got over it... a year later

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